Should That Be Legal?
Written by: Michael Mytrunec
As seen in the February 2018 Lazy Faire issue.
The law is the policy tool that most strongly reflects the standards that we, as a society, aspire to. As with all public policy, laws are created and dissolved as solutions to perceived problems. And as the times change, so do the problems we face. Below you will find the most pressing issues that remain unaddressed by today’s laws, and whether or not criminal consequences are the appropriate remedy.
Pineapple on Pizza: For some strange reason, there exists a group of otherwise reasonable people who hold the (unreasonable) belief that it is okay to put pineapple on pizza. While they are a minority, they are a vocal minority who are unlikely to be deterred by the consequences of the criminal law. Much like chewing with your mouth open or listening to Nickelback, we will have to rely on social pressure to keep this behaviour to a minimum. Legal.
Sending someone the same Snapchat that you put on your story: Friends don’t make friends view the same snap twice. Although I am generally all for judicial discretion, this one requires a mandatory minimum. Illegal.
Mumble rap: Legal, because focusing on mumble rap distracts from the real problem … Instagram stars becoming rappers. No one wants to hear the cashmeousside girl drop a mixtape.
Walking on the wrong side of HUB: Please. Don’t. Walk. On. The. Wrong. Side. Of. HUB. Illegal.
Truck Nuts: The fact that these are a real thing means that there are people in this country willing to design them, make them, sell them, and even buy them. Is this really the kind of society we want to live in? Illegal.
Selfie Sticks: Did you know that in 2017 there were 39 selfie related deaths worldwide?1 Although criminal prohibition may seem like a logical response, one must be wary of the unintended consequences of such an action. To avoid the ensuing black market that would result from banning the means that people are actually willing to die for, these should remain legal.
Online access codes: Millennials have a long list of things to be angry about: whether it be climate change, the looming risk of thermonuclear war, or the fact that it is nearly impossible to buy a gosh darn McFlurry. Let’s take paying to do homework off that list. Illegal.
Tide Pods: Look, the US banned Kinder Surprise eggs and they look a lot less delicious. Think of the children. Illegal.
What do you think of the list? Comment what you think!