Editorial
Easy Ways to Raise your GPA
Written by: Michael Mytrunec
As seen in the January 2018 Lazy Faire issue
New year, new me, right? Although it may not top the list of New Year’s resolutions, raising your GPA might one of the most common honourable mentions. It’s common to look at grades as the sum of studying and hard work — but it’s 2018, and it’s time to try doing things a little differently. Below are just some of the very, very unorthodox methods you can use to raise your GPA.
Wikihow
This website seriously has answers for everything.
Lie
Low effort, high return — just make sure you don’t get carried away. 4.0 GPA? Club president? Believable. Went to your 8 AMs every day? Not so much.
Learn to hack
If MIS taught me anything, it’s that no computer system is ever 100% secure. And don’t worry if computers aren’t your thing: you call always call up ya boy in Russia and contract this one out.
Photoshop
This is like hacking-lite. If you want to have a little fun, why not redo your whole transcript in Comic Sans?
Drop out
Do you think Bill Gates ever gets asked his GPA? Make some money, put it in Bitcoin, and then watch it rise faster than your grades ever could. And then fall. And then rise! And then fall. Rinse and repeat.
Transfer schools
Hear me out on this one. While the U of A operates on a four-point system for determining GPA, these standards aren’t universal. Other schools, like the University of Victoria, use a system where grade points are distributed on a scale from 1 to 9. Why grind for a 4.0 when you can flex with an 8.0? Hell, even a 5.0 looks comparatively better. Comparatively.
Augmented reality
Specifically Snapchat. Who’s going to focus on your GPA when a breakdancing hot dog is in the way?
Take a Flight
Win on a technicality here by physically elevating your transcript/whatever you use to access Beartracks. What’s more impressive: raising a 3 to a 4, or raising that 3 by 50,000 feet?
Actually study
Actually...no.
And if all else fails, just tell people that your dog ate your transcript!